memories

Five years ago tomorrow. The last time my grandma spoke to me. The last conversation we had was simple. She was lying in a hospital bed and she told me she loved me and to take care of myself. I will never forget the pain and fear I felt that night. My grandma was admitted to the hospital on Thanksgiving day of my freshman year of college. She was in and out of ICU until December 18th when she passed away from guillian-barre syndrome.

I know that my Grandma is in such a better place, but I still get sad sometimes. I am sad that my husband never had the chance to meet such an amazing woman of God. I get sad that my children will never know their Great-Grandma. I miss her. Alot. A few days ago I was going through a box of stuff from college. In that box were tons of birthday/Christmas/Valentine cards I received throughout my time at OBU. I happened upon a little card with kittens on the front. Tears immediately came to my eyes. The card was from my Grandma, written barely a month before she got sick.

When I think of my Grandma, I truly picture the Proverbs 31 woman. My Grandma was always seeking after God with her whole heart. She desired to bring others closer to Him by being His servant in any way possible. She had a sweet, tender spirit. You could always count on her to give sound advice, to listen intently to everything you had to say, whether you were 3 or 30. She truly cared about everyone she ever met.

She was incredible. She would draw my sister and I pictures of a woman's face during church. Just this simple picture she drew, I wish I could find a copy of it. She would make the best yeast rolls and chocolate gravy for all the grandkids because it was our favorite. She also made these yummy cookies that we called 'all over' cookies. She had tons of old JC Penney catalogs on her book shelf that my sister and I loved going through. She had a WALL full of knick-knacks...some of the craziest things were on that shelf. I loved looking at them and imagining where she got them...but I hated them when we cleaned and had to dust every single one of them! She collected baby dolls. She had a closet full of dolls that we could play with. We, all 18 or so, of her granddaughters loved that!

I am blessed beyond measure to have had her as my Grandma. She taught me so much about life, patience, perseverance, love, and grace. I am thankful that she and my Grandpa raised my dad and his siblings to love the Lord. I am blessed that for 18 years of my life I went to the same church as she did and that my Grandpa was my pastor for 16 of those years. I am thankful that the furthest away she and my Grandpa ever lived was 15 minutes. We got to spend so much time with her through the years...more time than some kids ever get to spend with a grandparent. I am blessed.

I could go on and on about the ways in which my Grandma rocked :)

Seriously, go read Proverbs 31 and then you will see who my Grandma was.

I hope and pray that I can be at least half of the woman she was. To strive daily to be closer to the Father. To truly desire to bring others closer to Him, by serving and loving.

Happy Thanksgiving. :)

Stirrup Pants and College?

Do you remember the days when the biggest decision you had to make was which hair bow you wanted to wear? To wear stirrup pants or purple jeans? Pink Keds or jelly shoes? Oh to be a child again, the life where big decisions are made for you ever day...or rather there aren't really any big choices yet. Fast forward a few years: Band or athletics? Gymnastics or Drama club? Yearbook staff or Newspaper? Still...not many big decisions. Then: Summer job or be lazy? College or wait a few years? College? Okay, now...which college? Close to home, far from home, expensive, private, state...? Major?! What's a major? I have to PICK what I want to be when I grow up?! Boyfriend? Serious boyfriend? Fiance?! Marriage? Where to live? Where to work? What insurance to go with? Responsibility? Car payments? Credit card payments? Grocery shopping, laundry and cleaning for two? When to start a family? Moving? To a new state, already?

Whew. Sometimes all the responsibility can be so overwhelming. There have definitely been times in my life when all I wanted was for someone else to make decisions for me. I am such a worrier. It's one of my only faults, ha. But seriously. Unfortunately, I am pretty sure all my life I have been this way. Always worried that I would make the wrong decision. That my choice would hurt someone's feelings or not be the choice other people thought I should make. I will be 24 on Sunday and some days I still want to just be a little girl again. Pony tails, big bows, Little Mermaid sweatshirt, with someone else making decisions for me.

I want to be carefree...not worrying about what tomorrow may bring. Working with children every day humbles me in many ways. I remember that God has called us to be like children. Little children have complete faith in you, in God, in life. They have not yet been corrupted by the world. They aren't worried about having food, clothes, a home, etc. I want to be that way again. To be so dependent upon the Father. To wholly and truly trust and have faith in Him. Not to depend on myself and what I can do...because let's be honest, that's not much.

That was sure a lot of rambling for a Friday night...but I hope it makes sense to someone.

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink;

or about your body, what you will wear.

Is not life more important than food,

and the body more important than clothes?

Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns,

and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.

Are you not much more valuable than they?

Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

"And why do you worry about clothes?

See how the lilies of the field grow.

They do not labor or spin.

Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in

all his splendor was dressed like one of these.

If that is how God clothes the grass of the field,

which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire,

will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?

So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?'

or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?'

For the pagans run after all these things,

and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Matthew 6:25-34

Holiday Wish list

TOMS shoes: For every pair of shoes purchased a pair is given to a child in need.

A pair of these (or similar) boots, Bamboo by Journee Women's Slouchy Microsuede Boots

This coat is beautiful, Coffee Shop Women's Plaid Walker Coat

This book series, Mark of the Lion by Francine Rivers

The following movies:

Okay, that's all I can think of now. :) Not too much to ask for, eh?